Imagine
by DefinedGravity
Summary: TIVA, When Ziva wakes up she only finds a letter of Tony, in which he says he’s leaving and he doesn’t come back. The struggles begin when the team must cope with his leaving. Shall Ziva and Tony ever become together again?
1. The beginning

**Disclaimer: I don't own a single thing.**

**please let me know what you think! **

**love for TIVA! love for you!**

**a big thanks to ''.Lamb' she did a great job editing this chapter! :D**

**Chapter 1: Everything I own.**

You never really leave a place or person you love, part of them you take with you, leaving a part of yourself behind.

_Ziva's apartment, Washington DC_

When Ziva woke up that morning she had no idea her life was going to change the way it did. She looked at the empty space next to her. That was strange, hadn't Tony stayed over yesterday? She smiled, when she thought of the last two months. They started dating. And, although she hadn't forgiven him yet for what had happened to Rivkin, things were finally starting to work out very well for the both of them. When she stood up, she noticed two envelopes on the nightstand. The first one was addressed to her, the second to 'Team Gibbs'. She sat against her bed and read the letter addressed to her.

_Dear Ziva,_

_I'm sorry I have to leave like this, only leaving a letter. I really am sorry. But this is the only way, for me and for you. It's better this way, for everyone. You know, I always thought NCIS was where I belonged; I thought that it was where I needed to be—it was where I wanted to be. NCIS was my home for a long time. But now it's just not like that anymore, _

_We've all changed so much in the past year. And it just doesn't feel right anymore. I wouldn't leave if I thought this had a chance. If we had a chance. If I'd thought there were any chance at all that this could work, I would have stayed. I would've fought for us until the very end, but I don't believe we have a chance anymore. If I would've thought there was any way, any way at all that you could forgive me for what I've done, for what has happened to you, because of that, I would have fought. But it's all right. I understand. _

_You have no idea how much I hate myself for putting you through that. For everything I did. I would do it different now. But we both know I never really had a choice. I thought I was doing the right thing. I know you've tried to forgive me. And I'm really glad you tried. The last months with you were amazing. But they weren't how they should be. This isn't how it was supposed to be. __I can't do it anymore. I keep telling myself that you've forgiven me, even when I know you haven't. I can see it in your eyes, Ziva._

_Every time I kiss you, there's something deep in your eyes saying that you hate me. The doubt in your eyes has caused me so much pain. You know I love you, and I know you love me to. I know you gave it your best shot. So I guess now's the time to go. Time to say goodbye. Time will pass. Pain will ease. Memories will fade, but they will never be forgotten. My dearest Ziva, I've loved you for so long, first as a friend, later as something more. I just can't bear that look in your eyes. I can't bear to see you in pain like that. Don't come looking for me. I don't want to be found. Tell everyone I love them, and that I'll never forget them. I'm so sorry._

_Love Always, _

_Tony._

Ziva started crying when she read the letter. She ran toward the closet and pulled it open. Tony had some of his clothes hanging there, so he could stay with her without having to go to his apartment and change. She had a couple of clothes hanging in his house, too. The clothes were gone. Ziva really started crying now. She ran to the kitchen, but Tony wasn't there either. He really was gone now. She couldn't believe it. It was not like Tony to run away.

She went to sit down on the couch. Part of her even felt relieved. That was the worst part of it all. It wasn't facing guilt, because it really was her fault that he was gone. It wasn't the madness, because she hadn't done anything when she saw something was wrong. It wasn't the sadness, because he was gone. It wasn't the feeling like something inside of her had died. It was none of that all. It was the relief.

She felt like Ziva again. Part of her was gone, lost in Somalia, and now she had found it. She had changed, definitely. She'd become more human. More sensitive. And she didn't exactly like all the changes. She had always loved Tony; he had been like a brother in the beginning. And then, she noticed the jealousy she felt when he was dating Jeanne. She realized, he was more than a brother. She started dating Michael, and she really liked him. Everything felt right. And then Tony shot him. She hated him so much. It was like the part of her that had finally been happy was gone, and he had ruined it for her.

Then came and rescued her, risking his own life. And she knew Tony had been honest in his letter, he'd been right. Absolutely 100 percent right. She hadn't forgiven him yet for the whole Rivkin situation. But she was so happy when they started dating. Tony had been friendly and courteous the whole time she'd been back. Although she hadn't actually deserved it. He took her out to dinner; he surprised her by showing up at her apartment. He was great, and then they slowly started dating. It had been so amazing.

She blamed herself for his leaving. She knew the next couple of weeks would be tough, but she knew she could handle it. She thought back at the last three months. She had liked the simple things the most. Just watching a movie on the couch, ordering a pizza, telling each other stories from their past. Tony had not only been her boyfriend, he had been her best friend, her support. He was her fallback whenever something went wrong. The person to go to with her problems, or just a simple conversation. He was her partner for four years, her hero in Somalia. He really was her everything.

And still, she couldn't forgive him. It was like her mind was looking for a reason to doubt him, to warn her she was going to be hurt. It was right.

She always knew it was a risky thing, starting a relationship with him. She listened to her heart, but her mind doubted. She felt like she needed to transform his leaving into something good. She had the chance to be the good, old Ziva again. She knew she could do it. She smiled. She finally had a goal in front of her. It has been so long ago. And she knew she should never forget Tony. And that she'd never stop loving him. But maybe he was right, maybe this was better for the both of them. A new beginning, a fresh start.

She dried her tears, showered, grabbed the letters, and left for NCIS.

_NCIS headquarters, Washington DC_

The tension in the bullpen was almost unbearable, Ziva explained that Tony had left; they read the letter he wrote to her together. Ziva and Abby were crying. McGee was standing motionless in the middle of the room. Gibbs was looking blank, he looked like his thoughts were everywhere except there, in the bullpen. Ducky was trying to comfort Abby by talking to her silently. It wasn't really helping, but he was trying.

Ziva just sat there, on the ground. Her back pressed against the front of her desk. She was staring to nothing in particular. Using all her strength to not starting to cry again. Director Vance was watching all this from a distance. To scared to get really involved. Team Gibbs was always close. And now one of them had left, he didn't know how they were going to react.

It was McGee who broke the silence. "Maybe we should read the letter he wrote to all of us?" Nobody reacted until Gibbs nodded, so that was McGee's signal to start reading.

_Hi everyone,_

_So now, I guess by now Ziva has told you that I'm gone, well she's right. I couldn't stay here any longer, for many reasons. Those reasons don't matter. What matters is that all of you should make the best of your lives. _

_McGee, I know you're going to be a fantastic senior agent. It's your turn now to. And I'm sorry about the bullying. _

_Abby, you're the best. I'll miss hanging out with you. Seeing you freak when you don't have enough Caff-Pow. _

_Ducky, dear Ducky, I'll miss your story's, the way you could talk to corpses like no one else could. _

_Gibbs, boss. Thank you, for everything you've learned me. You're the best in your job. I am where I am because of you. So thanks, again. _

_Director Vance, you're a great director, you always respect people, so people always respect you. You're a great person. _

_Dear Ziva, thank you for being my partner for the last four years. You've saved my life. You're the best partner anyone can wish._

_Palmer. You're going to graduate med school, and after that. I'll know you'll be a great medical examiner. _

_I found a family when I met you all. I found a home in NCIS. But sometimes you have to leave home. I truly had the best time here. We've all made mistakes. We've fought. A lot. But when I say you're the greatest people I've ever met, I'm not lying here you know that. Just know, I can't live here anymore. I owe you all a thank you. I send you all my love and everlasting respect._

_I ask you all, please do not come looking for me. I'll send e-mails when I can. Don't trace them. You are all great people. It was an honor working with you all. Go your own way. Go confident in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have always imagined. _

_Goodbye, _

_Tony._

In the envelope, they found a couple of pictures Tony collected in the years that he worked for NCIS. They found his resignation papers, addressed to Vance. The bullpen was completely silent now. Except for Abby's crying. They were all looking in front of themselves, thinking over the words Tony wrote. He'd been honest, as the good old Tony they knew. They all thought of the ways Tony had influenced the team. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Tony had been right. He had been right all along. The team truly was like a family. They did made mistakes, but they were always made right.

In the days that went by, they found that Tony had been planning his leaving for quite some time. The drawers of his desk had been emptied, his clothes were gone from his apartment, and he had hired a marketing office to sell his apartment. Abby respected Tony's wish, and didn't look for him. And McGee became senior agent.

_An airplane, on its way to New York_

Tony was sitting on the plane to New York, he was thinking over the things that had happened the last couple of hours. He had done the most difficult thing he could ever do. He thought it would've been nearly impossible, but everything considered, it all went pretty fine. He hadn't had a choice. Ziva couldn't forgive him. He had learned everything he could from Gibbs. It was time to let McGee become a senior agent. He knew it would take some time to get over it all.

He missed everything about NCIS, but he knew he couldn't face Ziva every day, not when she hated him like he knew she did. He was on his way to a new job. He was going to work as a teacher. He would give practical and theoretical study of film and television, at NYU. He had changed his name in Tony Dinardo, the undercover name he'd used a couple of years ago. Back in the days he was dating Jeanne.

In a way he was looking forward to a new start. Not being an agent anymore would be an adjustment, but he had to put the past in the past. And a new career and name was just a start.

In his first days at work nothing special happened. The school term started again, and Tony noticed that he actually liked teaching. He was even good at it. He very quickly became one of the most popular teachers at the university. He was known for his passion for film, the sympathy and respect he showed toward the students and his zero tolerance for drugs.

_NCIS headquarters, Washington DC_

Tony's leaving had its influence on everyone; Abby and McGee grew closer to each other, while they were dealing with the loss of Tony. Gibbs was stricter than ever, and grumpier than they remembered him to be. Ziva soon started dating different men, when she tried to get over Tony, Ducky was quieter, but in a way he was still the same.

There was a new probie introduced, Conner Santiago. He soon became friends with Ziva, but had troubles being accepted by Abby, McGee, and Gibbs. Abby stayed mad at Ziva, but McGee had soon forgiven her. The longer he was gone, the more they started to get accustomed to his absence. They all started to realize what he had meant for them.

Tony gave everything a little twist. He was a master in turning situations uncomfortable, but he always made sure they were happy. His never-ending commentary on movies was annoying but reliable. And when it really came to the point they needed help, he was there for them. Everything went on as it should be, they worked on cases, Gibbs still gave head slaps. Life went on.

Even without Tony.

Abby started sending messages to Tony on a regular basis. He never told her where he was, but he talked about his life. He would ask how they were all doing. Ziva had changed when she came back from Somalia, but now she was the old Ziva they all remembered.

_NYU, New York_

Tony had fun teaching. His students respected him, and his class had become one of the largest in the university. Even students who weren't in his class came to see if the stories were true, and he really was a good teacher.

He missed solving crimes, and he missed his friends back in DC, but there were things he didn't miss. Telling people their husband or wife, their brother or sister, their son or daughter had died. He didn't miss the disappointment in Ziva's eyes, but he did miss Ziva. He didn't regret his decision to leave. It had been the right thing. And even thought he still cared for them all, he couldn't go back. He talked with Abby. And McGee texted him sometimes. But it wasn't the same. And in a way that was good.

From Abby he knew Ziva had started dating the new probie, and he was happy for her. McGee had become senior agent, and asked him advice, when he needed it. He often thought of his life in DC, the life he had left behind. But he was happy now. It all went right.

When the class was finished Tony called a certain Elle Rivers to his desk. She was older than most of his other students. And he'd seen enough messed up people to know something wasn't right with this girl. He had a feeling this girl was in trouble. So when she came to him after the class had finished, she was surprised he'd mentioned something about her. He asked her how she was doing, if she could use someone to talk. Elle started crying. This was the first time someone had actually asked her how she was. Someone who noticed something wasn't right.

Tony took her with him into his office. They sat down for a cup of coffee, and she told him everything. Tony found out this girl was one of the many unnoticed victims of child abuse. She was still living at home, so she saw her father every day. She told him the whole story; everything came out at once.

Tony felt different with this girl than he did with his other students. He felt connected with her, in one way or another. Of course he cared about them all, but this girl had something honest in her eyes. They started to talk; he helped her look for an apartment. He helped her look for a job. And before they knew, they started to become friends. They started to hang out. Elle felt great, she'd finally found someone she could talk to, and Tony had finally found a way to get over Ziva. They got to know each other, and soon they became best friends.


	2. Time goes by

So, here we are, chapter 2. it's pretty short, and there's not a lot of stuff happening here. but it's just something to understand the story better.

As you all know, i don't own a thing.

enjoy reading, and please let me know what you think! :)

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**Chapter 2 : Time goes by.**

Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them.

**Three years later. **

_NCIS headquarters, Washington DC_

A lot had happened in the past three years. Not only did they try to get over Tony's leaving, they also started over. Tried new things, sometimes even things that were too risky for their own good. They all suffered from several bullet wounds. Not that that was anything new.

They all slowly grew accustomed to Tony's absence. It was especially hard for Ziva, but even she got over it in a while. Or at least she pretended to have. Ziva tried dating her new co-worker, Connor. But that didn't exactly have a happy ending. They broke up and were unable to work together anymore.

As Connor got transferred to another team, he was replaced by Isabella Monroe, Billie for short. She was a happy country girl who was excited about nearly anything. Which mostly was a good thing, but sometimes she worked on the nerves off the team pretty bad. Billie was a bit eccentric, hard to read and unbelievably dreamy. She had long, dark-blonde hair, a pale skin and very red lips, which made her kind of beautiful. Billie had an opinion about everything, and she saw no reason not to share it. Which often caused more problems than it solved. The irritating thing about her was that you had to love her. Her friendly face made it very hard not to.

She had started to flirt with McGee, but since that made Abby totally jealous and cranky, she stopped it after a while. She had started dating Jimmy Palmer a couple of months after that. Jimmy had become more a member of the team than he ever was before. They were now dating for 6 whole months, which was an absolute record for both of them. They took life as it came, not worrying about the next day. And they were happy, it was right for them.

3 months after that Abby and McGee finally gave in to their feelings for one another. They especially worked on Gibbs nerves, as he was annoyed that they broke rule number 12. That wasn't a huge deal whit Jimmy and Billie, but with Abby and McGee, it was quite a different story. Gibbs pretty much remained the same, but age sometimes took his toll on him, his reflexes weren't what they used to be anymore, but being Gibbs, he doesn't give up that quickly.

And Ziva, you may ask. She's actually doing all right. She was living one day at the time, not showing her feelings. She had found a great friend in Billie, as she was her new partner.

Ducky retired a few months ago, but since he was still spending most of his time in autopsy, It was like nothing had changed.

They were all happy, but still missing Tony. But since that was a thing that couldn't be changed anymore, they stopped worrying about it too much. Getting on with their lives.

_New York_

Tony and Elle had moved in together, claiming that is was way too expensive renting both an apartment as they could also share one. They had become great friends, and were able to tell each other everything.

She knew all about his past as Anthony DiNozzo, he knew about her crappy childhood. They hung out quite often and had great fun.

They lived in a small, but cozy and pretty apartment right in the middle of New York City. Tony had been dating this girl pretty seriously, and they were even about to marry each other. But his relationship with Arianne hadn't turned out that well.


	3. Is it all an act

**So, here it is, the next chapter, i hope you like it! review please! :D**

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**Chapter 3: is it all an act?**

The camera makes everyone a tourist in other people's reality, and eventually in one's own.

_NCIS headquarters, Washington DC_

"You're looking good in that picture." McGee had been standing behind Ziva for a while now. He had caught her looking at an old picture of her and Tony. "You know it's exactly three years ago we took that picture?" Ziva smiled, remembering it, "I believe he had organized a picnic for the two of us. It was a perfect day."

A couple of minutes later, McGee was sitting at his desk. He was supposed to work, but he couldn't quite concentrate. "You still miss him, don't you?" he asked, when he saw that Ziva wasn't doing much either. "Every day." Ziva said in agreement, she smiled at the thought of how silly it looked. She was still missing him after three years, but she knew McGee would understand. Out of all people, he would understand. "We all do." McGee told her, they were both silent for a while. It had been a while since Tony had left, but he was still present in a way.

They had kept contact for a while, mailing and texting, but after a time they had mailed less and less until it eventually had stopped. Every couple of months they send him a text or an e-mail, he would respond, but they didn't exactly knew what he'd been doing the last couple of months. He had once asked Abby if he should track him down and get him back. But Abby had told him not to, so he hadn't. He always had the feeling she knew so much more than she was actually telling them. She insisted that he would call if he wanted to talk, and since that didn't sound like Abby at all, he had figured that she must have had a good reason to refuse and had stopped asking.

"Good morning, New York!" a lovely cheerful voice yelled through the bullpen. McGee sighed as he heard her say that. He loved Billie, but she could be very tiring at times. The good things was that she always made them smile. "How are we feeling today, Billie?" he asked her. "I'm perfect, the sun is shining, did you notice?" she asked him. "The sun actually shines a lot here, Isabella." He told her. "All right, All right, grumpy." She muttered, referring to her favorite movie. "How's Palmer's leg?" Ziva asked her, Jimmy had broken his leg a couple of days ago during a case. He had fallen of the stairs, while carrying all the equipment "It hurts more than he's willing to admit." Billie told her. "Tell him to get well soon." She smiled at Billie. "I will, oh and he called Ducky yesterday, he will be replacing him until he can return." Tim and Ziva smiled at each other, Ducky still spend most of his days at the NCIS base, claiming that he was doing no good at home.

Meanwhile, Gibbs left Vance's office and running off the stairs. When he stood in the middle of the bullpen he looked around him. "Go home, pack your bags an meet me at the airport in," he looked at his watch, "two hours. Our plane leaves in three. We have a case." There went this thrilling feeling through the bullpen, as always when he told them they had a case. They all stood up, but he called them to a stop. "McGee, tell Abby, will you? She's going with us. Billie, tell Palmer to pack his bags." "Yeah, boss, that will be a bit of a problem. Since Jimmy's at home, he had a broken leg, remember?" "oh yeah. Do we have a replacement?"

"I'll let Ducky know." Billie smiled as she said that, and so did Gibbs. He was always glad when his old friend was working a case again. "What are you still doing here," he asked them, which caused them all to hurry away. They were all excited about the case and most of all, curious about their destination. Gibbs smiled as he watched them go.

_The airport, New York_

"Since when are there living marines in New York?" Ziva looked around her. She looked around a bit, she had always liked chaos, but she preferred structure and this was just way too much. They took a cab to ride to their hotel, but were all very silent. It was still a mystery what they were exactly doing there.

They checked in, when they arrived at their hotel. They divided the rooms. Billie would share hers with Ziva, McGee and Abby would share one and Gibbs and Ducky took the other one. After being fully settled in their rooms, they showered and put on different clothes. They decided to go for a drink.

While they were sitting there, Gibbs finally explained what they were doing there. Two weeks ago, someone had found a dead body in one of the many film studios in the area. It had been a hard case and after a couple of days, it had turned out to be a marine. The CSI had been more than happy to turn over the case to NCIS. So here they were, it wasn't going to be an easy case. The body had been found a while ago, so all the evidence on the crime scene was compromised and destroyed. And since they all knew the reputation of the CSI, they hadn't much to work with. They decided to call it an early night and quickly went to bed.

_The NCIS team,__ New York_

The next day, Ziva and Billie decided to explore the city while the rest of the team went to the CSI base to find out more about the case, check the file and pick up the body. They'd figured that it didn't make any sense to show up with an entire forensic team and a complete field team. So, Ziva and Billie had gladly received the mission to find them a place to eat that evening.

After a while, they found a nice and quiet little Italian restaurant. And as if it was meant to be, it was right next to the film studio where the body had been found. They were just about to take a look in the studio when Gibbs called them to inform them that they'd found another body. The body had been found in Central park, so they were ordered to go there immediately.

Ziva and Billie arrived there first. Ziva's eyes grew big as she recognized the body. Not only was it someone she knew, it was her ex-collegue and ex-boyfriend, Connor Santiago. She stumbled slowly to the body. And closed his eyes. In the meanwhile, Billie was hanging the yellow crime scene around the scene. Driving the crowd that had gathered away from the corps. "Do, ah, did you know him, Zi?" Billie asked when she saw her sitting next to the body. "Yes, I did. This is Connor Santiago. You replaced him. we used to date, but he cheated and we broke up. We weren't able to work as a team anymore." Ziva was rambling, "He changed teams, you came in place. He wasn't the most honest and greatest guy in the world, but he deserved more than this."

When the rest of the team arrived they were all very shocked. But they were all professional enough to process the scene as any other. While they were taking pictures and collecting evidence, Ziva took Billie apart. "Don't tell anyone he cheated. They don't know and I would like to keep it that way. They wouldn't handle this case with the respect they do now, if they knew." She whispered, making sure nobody could hear them. "My lips are sealed." Billie answered and quickly Ziva took another set of pictures as Billie took a few witness statements.

After Ducky had picked up the body and they had collected all evidence from the scene, there was nothing more to do than to wait until the autopsy table of the CSI was available. And that would last at least until tomorrow, the CSI wasn't eager to have them in their building, so they were only allowed there within strict hours and under strict conditions. So, they decided to go to the restaurant they'd found that day.


	4. Shocking discoveries

**Chapter 4: Shocking discoveries**

You had your dreams, I had mine. You had your fears, I was fine. You showed me what I couldn't find, when two different worlds collide.

_The Italian way, New York_

A bit later on the evening, the team was sitting at one lovely little cozy restaurant. They had all ordered a pizza and were enjoying themselves. It had been a long time ago that they had just sit down with each other and just talked.

Abby and McGee were holding hands under the table. Their fingers woven through each others. Abby loved that the team was finally together again. Just sitting there, eating and talking made her very happy. She had always felt very protective around her team. She felt like she had to keep them together. And right now, she felled like she did an amazing job. Right there, at that very moment, she felled like they weren't in the middle of a murder investigation. They were a group of friends. Just hanging out, something they only rarely did.

McGee loved that he and Abby could be so open about their relationship, something that hadn't been that simple. At first, they had kept it a secret, but that hadn't turned out to be a success, so eventually they had told everyone. It hadn't been that much of a success and Gibbs had been very mad at the start, but it had all been cleared out and now he was okay with it. He thought it was great they were all together now.

Billie was texting Jimmy while they sat there. She was obviously missing him very much. She looked at her team happily. She knew she was lucky that they had accepted her so greatly. She knew she was now really a part of them, hanging out with them, they understood them all better now.

Gibbs was staring ahead of him. He knew that his team wasn't as strong as they used to be. But they were getting there. Billie was a strong asset to the team, but she wasn't an amazing detective. She was more the kind of girl who could push the other team members to their limits. She got the best out of everyone.

Ziva was observing the other tables. There was a couple of friends toasting on some kind of happy event. There were two little families hanging out with their children, who were in their teens. She saw a couple of parents struggling to feed their toddler and their baby, who couldn't be over six months old. They looked very tired. Abby and McGee were sitting right in front of her, holding hands and exchanging secret looks. There were a few couples, out for a romantic dinner. She realized that they all had their own lives. These were the moments she really missed Tony. He would be the one to make jokes and making fun out of everyone. But she realized that he was gone and that there was nothing she could do about that.

They all listened to the story Ducky was telling, something about the old New Yorkers and something about them descending from the Dutch. They were all listening of course, but no one of them was really paying attention.

_Tony and Elle's apartment, New York_

Two days later they had nothing. After going over every single little detail about the second case and not finding anything. They had decided to finally start with the first case. The only problem was that they were only allowed a couple of hours in the bureau, which resulted into heaps of works that they couldn't really finish.

They decided to start with the very first witness in the investigation. Elle Rivers, she had found the first body. After tracking down her address they showed up her doorstep.

Elle Rivers was shocked when she opened the door. In front of her were four people. And four of them, she knew all too well. They were the persons on Tony's pictures. His former teammates. "Hi miss, I'm agent McGee, I'm NCIS and we're here to ask you a couple of questions." Timothy McGee said.

"Of course." Elle said, letting them in, without making any problem. They all looked at each other, surprised that she didn't even ask what NCIS was. "can I offer you anything to drink?" she asked when they were all sitting down. When she had poured them all a cup of coffee, Billie started. "I'm agent Monroe, we're here to talk to you about the body you found a couple of weeks ago. The body that was found turned out to be a marine, which is why we are here. We are NCIS, that stands for," but Elle broke her of. "Naval Criminal Investigation Service, how retarded do you guys think I am?" she said, she was nervous. She didn't want them to see Tony. She wanted to talk about this with him first. The only problem was that she didn't know when he would be home. She wanted to text him, but she couldn't grab her phone unnoticed.

The team was shocked by such a response. Not only did she know what NCIS stood for, which didn't happen often. There was something about her that they couldn't quite grasp.

After talking for a little while, they understood that Elle hadn't much more information for them as they already had. She had found the body, had ran out of the building and had called the cops.

The team started to get frustrated. Not only were they completely flying blind on this investigation. No one seemed to know anything and no one seemed eager to tell them anything. They were now three days in New York. And all they had got so far were two dead marines, one crime scene compromised and one with the DNA of half New York on it. Abby and Ducky were working as hard as they could, but there was just not much they could do. Abby had more evidence than ever and was freaking out whenever she even started to think about it. Abby was working as hard as she could, but she had so much evidence, she had no idea where to start.

They had started to investigate the Central Park murder but that was a hopeless case, so they had turned over to the first murder. They had interviewed a lot of New Yorkers and they were certain they were all very happy to tell them all sorts of things, except things that they actually wanted to know.

But this girl was different. She was very down to earth, she knew what she'd seen. And told them the truth. Ziva was convinced she knew the girl from somewhere, but she wasn't certain from where exactly. She recognized the face. She was trying to find the answer, but she couldn't find it. Ziva noticed some familiar things on the closets. Things she'd seen before but couldn't place.

The team was about to leave when they heard a key unlocking the door. Elle cursed when she heard that, which surprised the team. Suddenly they all heard a friendly and familiar voice yelling through the apartment "Honey, I'm home." he yelled, but when he turned around the corner of the hall his smile faded. He was looking in the eyes of three of his former colleagues.

He saw Elle sounding soundlessly that she was sorry. "Long time, no see." Tony broke the silence, his voice was unsure and he observed his former co-workers. They all looked surprised, very surprised. Ziva was still as beautiful as ever. McGee looked grown up and Gibbs was still the same. The other, blonde hair girl must be Billie. Abby had told him a lot about her in her e-mails. She was the only one who smiled, her eyes wondering but kind.

"I'm Tony." He said to the blonde girl. "I'm Billie. It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you." Billie looked at Tony. "All bad, I hope." Tony said jokingly. "Tony DiNozzo." Ziva interrupted. "What the hell are you doing here??"

Elle could tell that this wasn't going to be a conversation they would all like to attend. So she silently asked Tony if she should leave, after a few soft whispers with Tony she signed the team that they all should leave. Tony nodded towards her, as a sign of thanks. Ziva was surprised to notice how protective they were over each other. She looked at Tony with wonder. He had changed, she could see that, inside she was boiling with anger and dying to find out how he was doing. It was the best and the worst moment in her life at the same time.

After the team had left together with Elle, Ziva and Tony were staring in each other's eyes, they hadn't been able to forget one another but they didn't realize.

Elle took the team for drinks in a café nearby. She told them Tony's story. Not revealing too much, but enough for them to understand. She told them Tony now went through life as Tony Dinardo. She explained he now was a teacher. A very good one to be exact. They all introduced their selves but the atmosphere was tense. The team had a lot to think about, so they sat there in silence most of the time. After a while, they all said goodbye to Elle and left for to their hotel rooms.

Tony and Ziva stayed frozen for a couple of minutes. Only able to stare into each other's eyes. Still feeling the same chemistry between them as three years ago. Tony recovered a bit quicker than Ziva. "You want to sit down?" Ziva was looking as if she'd seen a ghost, which in fact was not that untrue at all.

Tony had changed a lot since he'd moved to New York. He wasn't the old playboy anymore. He had stopped flirting and had actually become a nice guy; He was a well respected teacher now. But Ziva had changed too. She didn't let anyone in anymore. Not even Gibbs and Abby. It had taken Tony, Gibbs, Abby and McGee years to take down the walls she'd built during her Mossad years. And after Tony had left, she'd built it right up again. Billie was the only one who she would talk too and even she would find it hard to get to her sometimes.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you, right this second." She said, slowly walking closer to him. "I'm sorry?" Tony tried, but Ziva punched him in the face. "I deserved that one." Tony said. Ziva looked hurt by seeing him. But she looked like the old Ziva. After being vulnerable after Somalia she'd turned right back into that crazy Mossad-assassin they saw walking through the elevator doors for the very first time, so many years ago.

"Is there anything I can say?" Tony asked, really knowing there wasn't. "You know you're a coward, right? Leaving me like that, only leaving a note. Who does something like that? Why did you even do it?"

"I know, Ziva, I know. And I'm very sorry that I did, but it was the best for the both of us." He knew it wasn't really an excuse and it wasn't really that way for him, but he couldn't tell her that. Not this way, not like this. "I want to explain, Ziva. I really do. But I can't. I will once. But this is nor the time, nor the place." He whispered to her. He wanted to pull her close and hug her, she looked so vulnerable but so very strong at the same time.

"I will never forgive you for what you did, never." Ziva screamed, running out of the room. Mad as hell. She slammed the door as she left. Trying to fight the tears in her eyes. She didn't want to cry. He wasn't worth it. Successfully she fought them. She wondered if she'd done the right thing, leaving like that. But she knew it was the only way, for her. She knew she couldn't handle something like that again. She knew it had been her fault, but she couldn't do anything else than blame him. She went to her hotel room, deciding to go for a run. She needed to clear her mind.

Elle carefully walked in the room, "How did it go?" she saw Tony sitting on the couch. She walked to the kitchen and made coffee for both her and Tony. "Could've gone worse." He answered, thankfully taking the cup of coffee from her. They sat next to each other for a little while. Not saying anything. Elle knew Tony didn't want to talk. So all she did was sit there. They knew what they were feeling. The best kind of friend is the one you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walking away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. Elle was exactly that kind of friend. She could just sit there and listen to the things Tony couldn't say out loud.

Elle was a bit worried about Tony. She'd knew how much he'd suffered from leaving the team. She knew he'd been hurt, not that he ever would admit it. She knew that when Tony was helping her getting her life back on track, he was also helping himself. Taking his mind of things in Washington. She had never seen him cry about it, but she could see he was still not completely over it all. She knew it would take time, but he and Ziva would find a way, they had to find a way.


	5. Sometimes

**Chapter 5: Sometimes, things just don't go as we expect it.**

The hardest thing in life is to watch someone you love, love someone else

_Somewhere in New York City_

Ziva was walking down the streets of New York. Her mind ran over the most recent events. She hadn't slept all night, she hadn't eaten in what must be days. Her mind was way too busy with going over all those things that had hurt her in the part. Seeing Tony again, finding Connor dead had called up some memories that she'd rather forgotten. Connor cheating on her, had been hard. But that was nothing besides Tony leaving. Remembering those things brought up some other memories before that. Somalia and all the other things that had ever hurt her. All the pain she'd either seen or caused in her life.

Ziva couldn't think straight, her hands were shaking lightly. It wasn't that cold but she didn't wear a jacket. The fact she hadn't eaten a thing in the last days probably played a part in that too. She knew she had to eat and sleep and she told herself that would be the first thing she'd do when she returned to the hotel. She hadn't returned to the hotel the night before and had wandered through the streets the whole night. They had all tried to call her, Abby, Gibbs, Tim, Billie they had all called, but she hadn't answered it. Ziva realized she had to eat and clear her mind.

When she saw a familiar face passing by her, she called her to a stop. "Elle, right?" she asked her, Elle seemed to recognize her right away and stopped. "Hi, Ziva." She said, surprised that Ziva even recognized her or wanted to talk to her. Suddenly Ziva remembered where she'd seen Elle before. She was one of the couples in the restaurant the other night. But she hadn't been sitting there with Tony. Ziva would have noticed that. "You care to explain why you're cheating on Tony?" Ziva asked her. "Not that it's any of you business but I am not cheating on anyone." Elle responded calmly, she had absolutely no idea from where that came. "Don' lie to me, Elle. I know. I saw you at the restaurant." Ziva's voice got higher and she got a bit trouble breathing but she managed to stay standing up straight. Elle noticed but decided it was better to just stay quiet. "Ziva, listen to me. I can't cheat on Tony, I'm not even dating him. Did he tell you that?" she said calmly but she started to get a bit worried when she saw that Ziva was leaning against the wall from the building next to them.

Ziva's breathing became heavier and heavier, almost hyperventilating. "Ziva, you have to sit down, you're not breathing normally at all ." Elle said, trying to let Ziva sit down, not that it worked but at least she tried. Subtly, Elle tried to feel Ziva's pulse, which went way too fast for her own good. "Come on, Ziva. Try to breathe normally." She said, Ziva couldn't even say anything anymore. She started to see black spots in front of her eyes, which even thought she wasn't a doctor, she knew wasn't good. "Have you eaten anything?" Elle asked and Ziva shook her head, not succeeding in her attempt to breath normally. "Have you had any sleep?" she asked and again Ziva shook her head. "Have you ever had trouble breathing before?" Ziva shook her head but after that, all went totally black. Ziva fainted, while Elle tried to catch her, Ziva's arm hit her hard in the eye. Ziva fell on the ground, leaving Elle to yell at her. "Come on Ziva, don't do this to me. Come on Ziva." and quickly, Elle dialed 911.

_Lenox hill hospital, New York_

When Ziva woke up, she found herself lying in a hospital bed, an IV sticking in her arm. The bright hospital lights were blinding her view. "So, how are you feeling?" Elle walked in the room, carrying a cup of coffee ad leaning against the wall. "okay. Did I do that?" Ziva asked, pointing at Elle's black eye. "Don't worry about that, it looks worse than it is." Elle told her. Ziva felled the room turn, she was still feeling a bit groggy from the drugs they had pumped in her body. "Good afternoon, how are you feeling, miss David?" a very good looking doctor came into the room. "I'm fine, I guess." She said, "That's to be understand, you've been out for more than three hours and we had to give you a couple of medicines. I am doctor Livingstone, I'm the one looking after you." Ziva nodded as he said that. "Do you remember what happened?" the doctor asked, while he sat down on the bed. "parts of it." Ziva said.

"When they brought you in, you had passed out. Most likely due to the cause of the lack of food and sleep and I've been told" he looked at Elle, "that you had a lot of stress lately, so I guess that should play a part in it too. You were also a bit dehydrated. It was probably all the events together that made you faint. Make sure you get enough sleep and eat enough the next couple of days and you should be fine." He stood up, "Your IV should be completely done in an hour, I don't see a reason you should stay after that." he smiled, "do you have any questions before I go?" Ziva nodded and the doctor left the room, leaving Elle and Ziva behind.

"So, how do you feel, but I mean really feel?" Elle smiled at Ziva and sat down in the chair next to the bed. "Mostly stupid. Partly confused, even a bit failed maybe." Ziva said, more to herself than to Elle. Ziva didn't really like Elle, to her Elle was just some silly blonde women. But since she believed she owed Elle, she was going to be honest with her and it was better to be friendly than to spend the next hour in war.

"You know, Ziva. I had a bit of a crappy childhood, but my mother always told me this thing that always made me feel better. Not that I understood it at the time, but that doesn't matter. She told me that there is suffering in life, and that there are defeats. And that no one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for. Tony told me about you, you know. He told me that you always win, that you always squeeze the very best out of every situation, even the crappy ones. You can't always win, Ziva. you have to lose. It's not a shame to lose or fail every once in a while, it just makes you human. It's much worse to never admit that you've failed." Elle smiled at Ziva, putting a brave face on. That was her act, it had always been her act and it would probably always be.

"That's a wise thing to say. I'm not sure it's true though. But I guess you have a point." Ziva said, she didn't know how to act around the girl, "Do you want me to call your friends?" Elle asked her, "I didn't have their numbers and I didn't know if you wanted them to know you're here." "No, I think it might be better if they don't see me lying in a hospital beds with a needle sticking in my arm. It would probably freak them out. So, tell me, why have you even brought me here, you have no obligation towards me. You don't even know me." Ziva asked her.

"You're Tony's friend." Elle stated, as if that explained the whole thing. "I still don't get how that makes a difference, I haven't seen him in years. I don't think he sees me as a friend anymore." Elle started to get on Ziva's nerves, she was so good and righteous that it was getting annoying. Elle must have noticed cause she was quiet for a little while but then said, "I know you don't like me, I don't ask you to. But I'm sitting here, not because of you, because of Tony. You can't even begin to imagine what he had done for me. I might not owe you, but I sure owe him a lot. So here I am, asking you to listen. Tell me you don't want to hear what I have to say and I'm gone. I won't even blame you. I'll walk away, knowing that I tried to and without feeling sorry. Just tell me, Ziva. it's your call." Elle said,

Ziva didn't know what to say, but since Elle looked so sincere and honest in her actions, she decided it was better to listen to the story. It was not like she could do anything else anyway. "I guess you can tell me." She said, still not entirely sure of her decision, but willing to listen to Elle's story.

Elle was still making her mind up about Ziva. she was nothing like she had imagined. Of course she had seen the pictures and she looked like it. But it was like something bitter was hidden in her eyes. Elle was sure Ziva had gone through a lot of bad things. There was also pain in her eyes, from Tony's stories she knew Ziva had experienced a lot of pain, including Tony leaving. But her look had something determined, a certain focus that you don't see often. Like Ziva had a goal and nothing would stop her from getting there. Ziva's eyes actually frightened Elle a bit, but not enough to scare her away.

"I need you to promise you won't tell anyone the story. The things I tell you hear, Tony would kill me if he found out I was telling you this. So, don't tell Tony." Elle looked serious when she said that. But Ziva had kept enough secrets in her life and was sure she could keep this one too, "Okay, I won't tell anyone. Not even Tony." She said, Ziva actually started to get curious.

"All right." Elle sighed, "Listen, just listen. Don't interrupt, you have to get the whole story before you say something." Ziva nodded and sat up a bit straighter in her bed, "shoot." She said. Elle, who was already sitting at the chair, pulled up her legs and put her arms around it. It made her look vulnerable. "I'll tell you my story first. The short version of it, anyway. It's easier to understand the whole story." Elle said, she obviously had a hard time remembering all that.

"When I was little, my dad just to hit me and my mum. I was bullied all the way through primary school and even high school. I used to cry myself to sleep every single night. I had no self confidence. Always had a bruise or a black eye. I even have a couple of scars. I spend dozens of nights in the ER. He broke my left arm three times and my right arm once, my jaw twice, each of my legs twice. I had a skull fracture when I was two and one when I was four and that's not nearly half of it. When I was sixteen, they placed me in foster homes, that was not doing any good either. I moved every couple of months. When I finally graduated high school, I started working in a bar at night and going to college by day." Elle sighed, closed her eyes for a second and then went on.

"I became a psychologist, I wanted to help people like me. I thought I would understand them better because I had all experienced it myself. But you know, at one moment I was doing patient care in a hospital, on the ER. I couldn't even look at the car accidents. I saw children like me, suffering from child abuse but being too scared to tell anyone. We couldn't prove anything cause for all we knew the child had fallen of his trampoline or his swing. I wasn't nearly strong enough to cope with that. So, I worked harder and went to study again. I went to NYU this time and studied practical and theoretical study of film and television. I had always dreamt of becoming a script writer and I figured I should follow my dreams this time." Elle took a deep breath before she went on with her story.

"I had the luck of getting Tony Dinardo as my teacher. Yeah, he changed his name again, after moving to New York, he thought it would help him get over leaving you. Anyway, I still don't know how he did it, but he saw something was wrong. He called me at his desk one day and I told him everything. He was the first one that was really there for me, the first one I could actually speak to. He was exactly what I needed. After graduating, he helped me at a job. He helped me get a new apartment. He was always there when I needed him. Before we knew it, we were spending all our free time together. When the lease of my apartment ended, he suggested moving in with him. This way, we could share the rent. When I look back, I think I was exactly what Tony needed at the time too. Something to get his mind of you. It was only after a while that he told me about you and the rest of the team. He told me endless stories about you, his eyes light up when he talks about you, you know. he regrets leaving, that's one thing I'm sure about. He had pictures of all of you in his nightstand, he thinks I don't know it, but I'm not an idiot. He still loves you, Ziva. I know him well enough to know that. he might pretend to be over you, but I'm not buying it and neither should you." Elle sighed, it had been a long story, but she was almost done.

"He tried dating, he even got to a point where he was engaged. But they both knew he was still in love with you. He can't forget you, Ziva. He's been unable to from the second he left DC. He will never hurt you by saying these things to you. Or admit it to himself for that matter. But from what I saw today, Ziva, you dare about him to. You started yelling to a complete stranger for even thinking I cheated on him. that says enough, at least for me it does. We never even kissed, Ziva. I'm not telling you what to do here, I'm only telling you the story. It's in your hands, Ziva. but whatever you decide. For both yours and his sake. Think about it and be careful." After finishing the story, both Elle and Ziva sat there for a while in silence. Rethinking the story.

A hospital nurse broke the silence when she came in to remove the IV that was still in Ziva's arm. After she had told them to leave, Ziva hanged in to the clothes she had worn that day. "Thank you, Elle." Ziva said, while they were standing outside the hospital. "I understand it a bit better now."

"You want to see how Tony's like now?" Elle asked, but Ziva only looked confused. "I mean, how he's changed, and from a distance, it's not like he'll notice anyway." Elle explained. "Why not? I'm here now anyway." Ziva said, wondering what they would do. "Meet me at the apartment at 10 am. You'll see it then." And after a quick goodbye, they both went their own ways.

**So, I hope you like it. I really did my best to write it the right way.**

**A huge thanks to anyone who took the time to review. **

**And please feel free to review again ;)**

**And remember that I don't own anything.**


	6. change

**Chapter 6: They had all changed in time, but did they change time?**

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.

_The Movie bar, New York_

"I'm so glad for the two of you." Tony said, smilingly. He was sitting in a bar, catching up with Abby and Tim. They were holding hands, intertwining their fingers. "Thank you." Tim said, smiling at Abby. "How are you, Tony? But I mean, how are you really?" Abby asked him, "you know, it's so great to see you. I still can't understand that we really found you." Abby was ecstatic.

"You knew where I was, Abby." Tony told her. "I know, but I still can't believe we get to see you, and talk to you in person and all of that." she was jumping up and down on her chair. "it is, it really is." Tony said, smiling at his two former colleagues. They had been mailing a few times but not a lot. McGee couldn't believe that their pats had actually crossed. Abby was amazed that Tony was there. Like actually there, they could speak with him, hug him, touch him. she was amazed.

Abby had mailed him the most, letting him regularly know how they all were doing. He had known she 'accidently' left Ziva out of the mails. She didn't tell and he didn't ask, not wanting to know. Abby had been really mad at Ziva, especially in the beginning. And even now, three years later, they still weren't as close as they used to be. About McGee, on the other hand, she could go on for ages. There were pages about him, and each and every one of them had made Tony smile. He had printed out all her e-mails and the pictures she'd sent him and had kept them in a draw in his room. Abby was the only one who had kept e-mailing him, keeping him up to date on about everything about the team. The new members of the team, Billie and Connor, had been fully introduced.

He had send a couple of mails to McGee but mostly in the beginning, McGee used to ask him for advice on how to be a senior agent. McGee tried to keep him in the field, asking his point of view on difficult cases or cases he used to work on. After a while, McGee had gotten worked in, so he didn't need the advice anymore. Vance had called him once, to get some last formalities done and tell him that there would always be a place for him at NCIS and that he would be missed as an agent.

Tony missed NCIS more than he would ever admit, he had really missed them and couldn't believe that he had missed Abby and McGee getting together. He had seen it coming, of course, like everyone had. He had often wondered why he'd left. Doubting his decision. But eventually he always came back to the real reason he'd left, Ziva. He knew returning wasn't an option. But he was glad to see them again.

This way he could see Abby and Tim, Ducky and Gibbs again. It was really good to see them. They had all changed very much. Abby had grown up, but was still the same happy Goth as she had always been. McGee had grown more confident the last years, he looked good. It had obviously been a good thing, making him a senior agent.

"Are you okay, Tony?" McGee asked, obviously worried. "I couldn't be any better." He told them. "I never really saw you as a teacher." McGee told him. "It 's actually a great job. I like teaching, it isn't being an agent, but it's okay. It's good to learn them something and you know which is a definite bonus?" he asked, they both shook their head. "you can talk for two hours in a row, and everybody listens." He smiled, it was good to see he hadn't lost his sense of humor. Abby and McGee exchanged glances and were both thinking at the same thing, he was still their Tony.

They kept talking for a while, but were interrupted by Gibbs. Who called them because Ducky had found them something that could lead to the killer they were looking for.

_A barrack somewhere in New York_

They were all sitting in a car, Gibbs, McGee and Billie. All of them, except for Ziva. They hadn't been able to reach her and were all a little bit worried. But they all knew Ziva could take care of herself. "This is what's going to happen." Gibbs started, "Billie, you'll go with me through the back." He said, looking at Billie and then to McGee. "McGee, you'll take the front. Billie and I'll go in, you wait outside until you hear us, then you come in. am I clear?"

Both Billie and McGee mumbled, "yes boss." "I want absolute silence from this point." Gibbs told them. Signing with his fingers to go.

Billie and Gibbs ran to the back while McGee stood safe behind the front door of the warehouse. Billie yelled inside, "Federal Police, drop your weapons and come outside with your hands in the air." They waited a few minutes and when there wasn't any reaction they ran inside. Their guns drawn. At the same time, McGee also ran inside.

There followed a lot of gunshots. But no one got shot. After they had finally caught the killer. They found another body. Another dead marine. The killer looked guilty but tried to deny every connection to the case. After they had taken him in properly. They were reflecting the invasion. "It went well, don't you think?" Billie asked, being her usual happy self. Gibbs and McGee had both been grazed by a bullet, were completely covered in dirt and had just discovered a dead marine. As far as they were concerned, it hadn't went well.

The fact that they'd finally found the killer made everything a little better, While McGee and Gibbs were observing their wounds and concluded that they weren't that bad and they didn't need any medical care. "does anyone have any idea where Ziva is," McGee asked them. but they shook their heads. "I'll try calling her again." Billie said, searching for her cell phone and dialing Ziva's number. After letting it ring for a little while, she hung up. "She's not answering." Billie sounded worried, but she also knew that Ziva could take of herself and that she wouldn't let anything happen to her.

They were all worried but they were also a bit mad. They were a team and they were in New York to work. And both Gibbs and McGee weren't planning at leaving it with this.

_Ziva and Billie's hotel Room_

When Billie walked in her room she immediately saw Ziva sitting on the bed. Her arms wrapped around her knees; she looked vulnerable. But Billie was tired she had been chasing around criminals all day long and now she saw her colleague sitting on the bed like nothing was wrong.

"Where were you?" Elle asked, straight forward as usual. "You know, we tried calling you. We actually needed your help. We had to arrest some freaking moron who killed three marines." her voice louder than usual. "three?" was all Ziva asked and she looked up at Billie. "We found another body today. Nobody could reach you. We were worried about you Ziva." her voice high as she said that, trying not to yell, "You didn't feel like picking up your phone? Not one hair on your head that thought we might need you? What if there had actually been an emergency and we wouldn't have been able to reach you, Ziva? have you thought about that? you could have put us all in danger." She said, she sounded disappointed. "where were you? She asked. But after not getting an answer, she got really mad.

"So, are you going to explain where you've been? Or what is it, that you're planning on doing Ziva? cause honestly, I don't know it anymore. but I'll tell you what you're going to do, Ziva. You're going to get up, you're going to stop feeling sorry for yourself and you're going to apologize. And you'd better hurry, cause if you wait long enough, we might not need your apologies anymore." she said, her voice persistent. But when Ziva still didn't answer. She started again, she turned around and walked out of the door, but right before she did that, she turned around. "I don't recognize you anymore. and I don't who you've become but I can tell you right now I don't like the new you." She stormed out of the door after that.

Ziva looked up, she knew Billie was right. She was always right. She got up and took a shower. After that, she wandered through the hotel. Looking for Billie. She found her at the bar, where Billie was recovering from a hard day.

"Would you believe me when I say I really am sorry?" Ziva tried. "Do you mean it?" Billie asked, turning her face towards Ziva. "I don't know what to do anymore, Billie. I don't even recognize myself." She said, going to sit on the chair next to her friend.

"You want to talk about it?" Billie asked Ziva. "I don't know what to do anymore. I can't forget him, there's always something that reminds me of him. No matter how hard I try, he's always in my mind. I can't forgive him for what he's done, but I can't get over him. What's the matter with me, Billie?" she said, her voice barely a whisper. Billie didn't know what to say and hugged her friend. "There's nothing wrong with you, you just can't expect to just fall out of love, Ziva. It doesn't work that way." She smiled at her friend.

"Well, you're going to have to apologize to McGee and Gibbs. And interrogate our killer. And, perhaps have a bite to eat, cause to be fairly honest you look a bit pale." Billie told Ziva.

After eating a bit, Ziva stood up from the bar and went looking for McGee and Gibbs. She eventually found them, talking in their room. Their reaction was much worse than Billie's had been. Billie had shouted and screamed and had gotten really mad. And with good reason, Billie had every right to be mad.

When she walked in the room, both McGee and Gibbs turned silent and were looking at her in anticipation, as if they were waiting for an explanation. "I am so sorry, I should have been there. It will not happen again." she said them, avoiding their eyes while saying that. "Nothing bad has happened this time, but you'd better decide if you want to be here or if you don't want to be here. Because something bad will happen next time." McGee told her truthfully, he went on talking to Gibbs after he'd said that. She left the room in silence, knowing that they were right.

After that, Ziva rushed to NYPD, she had to interrogate the killer. Not something she was looking forward to, but she knew herself and knew that getting a confession wouldn't be very difficult.

NYPD, New York

"So, and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, if I understand correctly. You accidently happened to be in a warehouse and you had no idea there was a body in their?" Ziva asked and looked at the killer who was starting to panic but nodded. "And you just happened to be in the two places where we found two other dead marines?" Elmar Zinenko nodded again as Ziva said that.

"And you have absolutely nothing to do with it?" Ziva asked again, "that is correct, can I go now?" Elmar asked. But Ziva smirked. "Not going to happen." She said. Elmar knew he had driven himself in a corner. "Remind me, where have you found the bodies again?" he asked.

"one in the film studio and one in central park;" Ziva sighed, she was getting bored. "Those are two public places, there are many people who've been to those places." Elmar answered.

"Okay, Zinenko. Listen very carefully now. We already know you did it. So there's no point denying. Be a man and admit it." She said, she felled confident and took a seat herself, just glaring at Elmar. A trick she had learned from Gibbs. "All right, it was me, I killed them. All three of them." he said, leaning behind, like it was something to be proud of.

"Why?" was all Ziva asked. "Not everyone likes the marines as much as you do, they're not so great as you all like to believe. Fighting for the country. They killed my parents, you know that? The stupid morons killed my parents. So I don't regret killing them." Elmar sounded arrogant now leaning back and smiling at Ziva, like he had just won. "How did they die?" Ziva asked. "My parents were on a business trip in Israel. Marines bombed the place, everyone at the hotel died. Including my parents." Elmar said. "October the 22th 1981, that date's in my memory forever." He continued.

"The bomb went off at 8.15. All the guests were either sleeping or having breakfast. It was a suicide bombing, not a marine, just stupid coincidence. My mother was in that hotel. Breakfast meeting for her work. She died, along with your parents, along with every single soul that was in that hotel. It wasn't a marine. Those marines you killed, they were all somebody's child, they all had wives and girlfriends at home. and little kids, who will never see their father again. Think about that." Ziva said, walking out of the room.

This trip was getting harder every day. She wished she had never come to New York. And was glad that they could finally book the tickets to fly back home. she knew she still had some things to take care of. She had to see Elle the next morning. This was time

"Think about that." She said, while she walked out of the room. She wished she had never come to new York. This trip was getting way out of hand. She knew what she had to do now, they would book the tickets, fly back to Washington. And she would never have to see Tony or this guy again. She had a couple of things to do first, She had a meeting with Elle the next morning. She thought her flight would leave in two days. So this was the time to enjoy New York. Forget Tony. And hang out with her friends. This was life. And as her mother had said long ago. Live it. Love it. Learn from it. And that was exactly what she was going to do.

After they had dinner and were back in their hotel room Ziva and Billie stayed up late talking. "Do you miss Jimmy?" Ziva asked Billie. "I don't have the time to miss him, Ziva. I would have liked having him here that's true, but that's simply not the case. Some of us can't afford to disappear an entire day, without saying anything Ziva." she said, Billie wouldn't let it go, she was determined to find out where Ziva had been. Especially since Ziva didn't want to tell it. Ziva sighed, she knew McGee and Gibbs would shut up about it, but Billie wouldn't and she wouldn't stop until she'd found out.

"I was in the hospital." She stated, Billie's mouth fell open in surprise shocked by the message. "It's been a long week and it was simply more than I could handle. You wouldn't understand if I tried explaining it to you." Ziva sighed. "You owe it to me to try." Billie said, knowing that Ziva needed to tell it and she kind of wanted to know.

"I know that Billie and you're right. I will tell you the story although I think I told you before. Of course you know what happened in Somalia, months after that, I started dating Tony. I was happy. I changed, I wasn't the Ziva everyone knew, I opened up." She smiled, "three months later, I was hurt. Again. I decided that I had been hurt enough and I closed myself for every emotion. I was the old me again. I didn't care anymore. And it worked, I was doing just fine. Until I saw Tony again. It all came back, everything that happened in Somalia. I can bear so much, Billie. I can deal with being tortured or being hold in captivity. I can bear it all. But I couldn't lose him. And when I saw him again, it did something to me. It has always been him, Billie. It has always been him." tears were running over Ziva's cheeks. "What should I do, Billie?"

"I can't make that decision for you, Ziva. You're the one who has to do that. But maybe you should talk to him. You know as well as I do that he cares for you." Billie said. She stood up and kissed Ziva lightly on her cheek. "Go to sleep, Ziva. Give it some thought. I'll see you tomorrow." She said, and with those final words, she went in the bathroom.


	7. fate

**A/N: Okay guys, I'm so really sorry for not updating sooner. I must have broken some sort of record, but really, I'm sorry. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't have an excuse. Anyway, I hope you like the story so far, and enjoy reading. **

**Feel free to review, even when you didn't like the story at all. **

**And, in case you hadn't noticed, one last formality. I don't own NCIS at all. If I did, Tony and Ziva would be dating by now. Cause honestly, it's about time something happens between those two. **

I'm talking about fate here - when feelings are so powerful it's as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams

_NYU, new York_

"I already have my degree, you know?" Ziva asked Elle. They had just arrived at the NYU, and Ziva had no idea what they were doing there. Yesterday hadn't been one of the most brilliant days in her life. And there she was, feeling 18 again, back in college.

"I'll show you how much Tony has changed." Elle said, smilingly. She used to come here often. "You have no idea how he's teaching. When he comes into a room, an exciting thrill goes through the room. He speaks with passion. Three years ago, there were about 50 students who were following that class. Now there are over 200 students. He is great in what he does, Ziva."

Ziva followed Elle to the back of the class. She wasn't actually agreeing to following the class, and she wasn't looking forward to the idea of seeing Tony again. but she owed Elle so she just went with it. She so didn't want to be here. Everybody was talking and running through the class, so Ziva was wondering what Elle was talking about.

Tony came in, "Good morning, please sit down everyone." He said. And the class was immediately quiet. Ziva could feel the thrilling feeling going through the room and she caught herself at holding her own breath when Tony walked in.

"So, I hope you are all doing fine. Anyway, I told you last time I was going to tell you something about the influence of films in our lives. By example, people want their relationships to be as romantic as in the movies. They want friends as they see in their favorite movies. But life isn't a movie. Things aren't going to go like in movies. Things are more real, remember that. Make from your life, your movie. Be the lead player in your own movie. Not anybody else. You choose the way you're leading your life." He said, and then he continued. "All right, who can tell me from which movie this quote comes?" he asked.

"We'll start with an easy one. 'You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting'" he pointed at one of his students, "Peter Pan." The student said. "Of course." Tony agreed, "All right, the next one. 'Hearts will never be practical, until they are made unbreakable.'" Again, he pointed at a student. "The wizards of oz." "very well." Tony said. "All right, and the last one. 'I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of the world alone.'" Again one of his students answered correctly, "the lord of the rings" and again, Tony congratulated him.

Tony spend the next hour and a half talking about things all relating to different movies. Ziva didn't really listen, she was way too busy staring at Tony. She hadn't thought she'd see him again, or even hear from him. Elle had been right on a certain point, Tony was a good teacher. Elle whispered to Ziva that Tony knew absolutely everything about movies, but Ziva of course, already knew. The class immediately shut them up, wanting to listen to Tony explaining movie stuff. Tony could answer every single question his students asked him. Without hesitation. Without even thinking about it.

The class took all about two hours. Ziva realized that Tony had changed. A lot. Ziva had no idea what she had to do, and after saying goodbye to Elle, she decided to go for a run in Central Park. Running always helped her to clear her mind. She needed to sort things out.

_Central Park, New York_

Tony was sitting on a bench in central park, reading a script one of his students had given him with the question to read it and give his opinion. He was already half way. Once in a while he wrote something down, but in general it was a very well written script. He let his mind go over the last days. He had met Billie, had talked a lot with Elle, he had seen Tim, Abby and Gibbs again.

But there was one thing that was bothering him the most. The one person he wanted to see the most, couldn't face him. and who was he to blame her. It was totally understandable that she didn't want to see him. He wasn't even sure he wanted to see her, but he needed to see her. His will was stronger than his mind.

Abby had hugged him, claiming that he had to come back to NCIS. He had promised her to call every week, to write often and to visit whenever he had some time off. McGee told him about the case they had recently solved. He told him about Connor and the first victim. He told him about the invasion of the warehouse. They told him about their relationship and how they got together.

He had seen Ducky and Gibbs a few times. They had been carefully suggesting that there would be an open spot at the team. And that he should really think about it.

Ziva was running, jogging through central park, she'd had a tuff couple of days and was thinking at absolutely nothing. She enjoyed the emptiness in her mind. The empty room in her head was a nice change from all the things that usually were in there. Running allowed her to forget absolutely everything. She enjoyed the feeling, she always had. It made running one of her favorite activities.

The empty place in her mind disappeared when she saw Tony sitting on a bench. He really was everywhere. He was greeting people who passed by. She had no idea what she should do, so she decided to just go up to him and talk.

"I had no idea you could read." She said, approaching to Tony and sitting next to him on the bench. "I thought it was about time to start learning it." Tony said, smilingly. He closed the script he was reading. "What are you reading?" Ziva asked. "A script one of my students gave me." He said, staring ahead of him. "I never saw you as a teacher." She said, trying not to look at Tony. "I'm actually pretty good at it." He smiled at her, but she was avoiding his eyes. "How are you doing, Ziva?" he asked. "Better than I was." She said, considering her answer. "I'm really sorry, Ziva. I really am, but it was the only way, for both of us. You know that, right? Please tell me you do." He said. Ziva looked in his eyes, "That's exactly why it hurt that bad."

And so they sat there, for a long time, they did nothing but just sit. The silence between them was comforting and familiar. They both thought back at the last month before Tony had left.

After sitting there for, what must have been hours, they both decided to go home. And while they were walking next to each other, on the large and busy streets of the busiest city in the whole world, something happened. They couldn't deny it, but there was this spark between them that hadn't been there an hour ago. And while their hands were trying really hard not to touch each other, their eyes were trying to look away. But when none of this worked, they stopped, like it had been some sort of plan. And after staring into each other's eyes for a minute, they both gave in and kissed each other.


End file.
